It is often the case with many and has been many times with me in the past that what I call emotional integrity has been compromised. Being true to what we know is right within us takes courage, especially if this can be in conflict with how we have learned is the ‘right way’ to interact with others. The courage to speak the truth without the guise of sparing feelings has often proved very painful and even counterproductive. It may harmony inwardly while falsely seeming to create harmony outwardly. This is a contradiction particularly since a betrayal of the soul, even if not seen by others. It has rippling effects on our character and in our relationships that will be felt at some time or other.
FOR THE SAKE OF PEACE
If we remaining silent for the sake of peace is essentially dishonest. There is the misconception that we avoid suffering when we do this, but we forget that we cannot escape consequences or later suffering. This ease at this moment is misleading. Discomfort, in fact, creates an incongruous state with what we feel we should morally do, with hat we show outwardly as a result. A small price we think in a small moment (as we think this eliminates or deters or procrastinates the emotional discomfort speaking out) but the seeds of deceit are sown and re-sown with every cowardly act within ourself . These subtle compromises and in our relationship and may prove costly to us and others.
There is nothing wrong with sparing others feelings if the silence or kind words are sincere (devoid of criticisms and self-checked for integrity) rather than cowardly. If our smooth words are not sincere and we are pandering to another’s ego as well our own, then neither are helped. Also, put another way the seeming kindness of others falsely given can later be harmful when we find they were insincere, and the feigned kindness may even be perceived as cruel if we later discover we were in error and worse they knew it but allowed us to continue in the wrong way. Who is to say its the wrong way we might say since we are not our brother’s keeper? We don’t have to say its wrong but we can give a kindly opinion of error or ask a probing question and be prepared to risk wrath for true kindness. This will in truth reveal a more honest friendship.
FINDING COURAGE TO SPEAK UP
The small compromises in emotional courage and integrity that we make (seemingly harmless), are very costly and at the root of many a shaky relationship, and prevent real closeness and love and understanding of how to help others and ourselves to a purer love. The trick I am learning is to speak from love (firstly checking yourself and how you would like to be treated) and then I am more likely to speak with love or from a loving and honest heart. I am learning this always goes down better. I realize now thought that this I have to do if I am to be and to have anything more than superficial friends.