When someone does something that ruins our enjoyment or dampens a celebration of an achievement, we may feel they prevented us from having much needed joy that might have enriched. Maybe we even consider someone ruined our life. When we feel that it is not only difficult to forgive, forget and move on but, but we dont want to, somewhere inside we believe it is not useful or desirable.
Q What purpose does it serve?
The pain we still feel at their behavior, slight, injustice may leave us with negative thoughts about them and may be justified. When the event first happens thoughts of dismay, disbelief, and an array of accompanying emotions pass through our mind and heart, which we cannot forget and sometimes cannot forgiving. Even though somewhere inside we know that it does not help us, we cannot let it go or shake it. We may not even want to!
LETTING ON TO THE HURT – EMOTIONAL RESILIENCE
Despite that, ill feeling inflicts even more pain, (although nobody deliberately self inflicts this kind of suffering) because the pattern of thinking about the pain we let it define us. We clearly never want to experience this again and in the fear, we may feel a desperation to not feel.
AN UNLIKELY GARDENER
Any healthy garden has lovely flowers for a season, and even nutritious vegetables, some more difficult to care for than others to keep them growing. The work of care for plants may be too much. Apart from keeping weeds out, at the end of the short season, it is sorrowful to see them go. There is a frustration if there is no understanding which are plants and weed, or of how to tend to them or to get them to stay healthy and keep weeds at bay.
The painstaking difficulty of tending such delicate plants and the inevitable end of the flowering or vegetable season may be difficult to bear. However, you would not expect to see the gardener kill the plants deliberately leave the bear earth instead of a lovely scene and sustaining food. This might appeal for a more orderly garden than a messy array of unpredictable, and unruly plants and flowers and eliminate painful weeding, and bouts or aches and pains of effort, however, the gardener is deprived of a most beautiful aspect of his garden.
THE COSTLY PRICE OF NOT FEELING EMOTIONS
Trying not to feel (I think we have all done it at one time or another) is really hard, but not to worry, there are an array of distractions and even drugs that help us do just that! but there are real and sometimes very serious costs to this. Suppressing emotions or not being able to deal effectively with them has been studied down the ages linking to depression, anxiety, negativity, and an array of other negative effects. Anyone who has ever struggled with this already knows all this from personal experience.
NOTICING THE ILL EFFECTS OF HEART SUPPRESSION
All the negative energy we cling on to just bounces around and must finds somewhere in our body to live? Many of us feel a deep sorrow that we can’t shake. Some of us harbor bitterness towards someone, the very hint of a thought about which brings back a flood of emotions we cannot bear to look at. For others, they revisit the old memories often to renew the slight and remind themselves of the victim state. For many, there is a manifestation in fearful interaction with social relationships engaged in and a worry of getting get too close to others. Many others of us still have heightened stress levels, irritability symptoms.
STARTING TO HEAL YOUR HEARTSPACE
There is a saying, ‘Face the fear and death of fear is certain’. This is not to suggest you put yourself in harms way emotionally (not at first anyway). First, you have to acknowledge to yourself you have tried not to feel. This sounds obvious, but doing it (out loud is good) or better still journalling, can really help. You can burn the paper with ill feelings and flush them away. You will at least get it out so you can start dealing with it.
TIPS FOR STARTING TO HEAL
1: Exercise (or even Exorcise) Your heart – With Selflessness
You can do this in a number of ways. The best way is to practice giving without expecting or wanting anything in return. Try doing something small at first, and try doing it anonymously and see how it feel.
2. Notice and Journal your thoughts and your emotions regularly.
This way you get to understand them and even give yourself understanding and begin to be kind to yourself first and exercise your, heart, first giving yourself that kind attention. This is necessary.